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How To Make Your LDR Work

Being in a 5 year long distance relationship is definitely something, most don’t even last for a week, some have given up on idea even if they haven’t tried it yet.

Even though I don’t usually post personal topics, I can’t help but feel thankful to my friends who said that they were touched by my previous post. Everyone knows that relationships aren’t easy and most especially long distance relationships. Hope this helps anyone who needs it.
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1. As I’ve said over and over again, always love yourself first. Everything comes from within not without. For example, if you take time in making yourself look good when you are having dates (skype dates), I’m sure he will notice and he’ll try his best to do the same. Sometimes, the person we love is the reflection of ourselves. Since we’re not seeing each other most of the time, I have more time to make myself look beautiful. There’s no excuse!

(Photo of Justin taken by me in Hong Kong)

2. Effort over comfort. Being comfortable is a no-no in a long distance relationship. Once you started getting lazy, you’re pretty near the dead end. During Valentine’s Day which I spent alone (with family or friends) for 5 years, I also made sure to send some homemade chocolates to my boyfriend in Manila. Just to let him know that despite the distance, he’s remembered. On my birthdays, I get a bouquet of flowers or a video compilation of my family and friends greeting me. Now, that’s real effort. Sometimes, I also receive flowers from him just because. Like the photo above, we were at a flower market in Hong Kong and he let me pick what I want. Or when I went home from Kawaii in Manila 2, he also went out of his way to get me a bouquet because he knows I love flowers.

(Photo c/o Justin in Tagaytay)

3. Meet halfway. Last March 2014, Justin visited me in Japan for the first time but years before that, we either meet in Hong Kong (literally halfway) or I’ll go home in Manila. I would always pay for my airfare but he makes sure that I spend nothing when we’re together. He also bought me my ticket back to the Philippines as an anniversary present.

4. Learn your partner’s love language. You can give love but if it doesn’t match how your partner wanted to be loved, it won’t work. Do you remember those scenes from 500 Days of Summer when they differentiated expectations vs reality? It’s pretty similar to that except here you already know that you’re in love (why would you even put yourself in a situation like this if you aren’t). What we do is every new year, we buy planners to write our goals and expectations in our relationship. Sounds like an expert don’t you think? But it’s really helpful! For example, Justin writes “consistency” as his expectation. As a woman, we all know how difficult this is because we have our mood swings, PMS and the like but since he’s expecting it from me.. I’ll try to learn his love language. In return, I would tell him to be a gentleman, as an indirect reminder for him to always give me flowers because women always want to receive them but they don’t wanna ask blatantly.

5. Be firm on what you don’t want. If something’s bothering you always let your partner know. You can’t play mind games in a long distance relationship or else you’ll go bonkers. When I’m mad, I’m mad. I don’t care if it would hurt but I will let it all out and he’s absolutely the same (or more). It was an issue on our second year because when I’m angry, I keep it in (because I’m naturally like that) but he asked me to be angry with him when I am since he noticed how I end up hurting myself more when I don’t speak up.

6. Burn the scorecards. Whatever you’ve fought about last week must be forgotten once you’ve kiss and make up. It’s not healthy to bring last year’s issue to your current problem.

7. Find a friend who’s also in LDR and share tips with each other. No one can understand you better than a person who’s also in your shoes.

8. Be silly. We sing to each other on face time, we send corny jokes we find at 9gag, we laugh at everything. Although LDR is a tough job, don’t let it get into you. Just find your balance and you’re all set.

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12 Comments

  • Reply
    Bivisyani Questibrilia
    February 16, 2015 at 5:11 am

    Oh my God! my boyfriend also stays in Germany while I moved back home to Indonesia! We haven't seen each other for about 5 months but there's a chance we won't see each other for another 2 years. Keep strong! We will be okay 😉

    Alive as Always

  • Reply
    Bivisyani Questibrilia
    February 16, 2015 at 5:14 am

    Fantastic post, Ashley! It's really helpful as I am going through LDR myself right now. He's in Germany while I moved back home. It has been going on for 5 months and we're still okay but I can't say there aren't days where I don't miss him terribly. And, although your love language and romantic preferences are so different from mine, I still think these tips can be applied to any kind of LDRs anyway. Thanks for sharing!

    Alive as Always

  • Reply
    mei // めい
    February 16, 2015 at 5:35 am

    Nice post, Ashley! Although I've never had a boyfriend, ahahaha

  • Reply
    nyan // tanaditya
    February 16, 2015 at 11:29 am

    this is sweet and actually applicable to those who don't had LDR too. i had one looongg time ago and i can relate to everything in this post. keep up your relationship, lovely. stay strong together <3

  • Reply
    karl philip Leuterio
    February 17, 2015 at 11:29 am

    im so happy about this post.. u know naman how our conversations go babe re: LDR… thanks for being my inspo.

  • Reply
    Ashley Dy
    February 19, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Love you, Karlie! I'm so happy for you!

  • Reply
    Ashley Dy
    February 19, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Thank you so much nyan chan! <3

  • Reply
    Ashley Dy
    February 19, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Thanks, Mei! Hahaha you are so cute!

  • Reply
    Ashley Dy
    February 19, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Thank you love! You will be fine!

  • Reply
    Ashley Dy
    February 19, 2015 at 11:49 am

    Aww thank you so much! It will be tough but if you think it's worth it then believe that you could make it!

  • Reply
    ysabelandrei
    February 22, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you so much for this post! <3

  • Reply
    Cryss lopez
    March 4, 2015 at 12:43 am

    ohh I loved your post, I identify with you about that for a relationship to DISTANCE, incidentally Art adore if I could not avoid it on my cellular network !!! *——* ♥

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